I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
