Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
