well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
