You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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