This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
