good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
