the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
