Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
