5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
