the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
