It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she smelled like a LAN party
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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