I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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