Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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