it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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