spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
