Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
