You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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