Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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