I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
birth control should be required to get into college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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