I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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