I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
