My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
