Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
