no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
