My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
