how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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