People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
