You made me cry and you don't even care
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
