I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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