YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
