Please, let me fuck your mom
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
