I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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