she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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