Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
