He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can tuck mytits in my pants
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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