this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
