mondays should just be called national damage control day
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
