you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
