just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yo dont text me then not text me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
