When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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