He disabled his match.com account in front of me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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