Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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