it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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