either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
