I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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