mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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