apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
