Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
