I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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