does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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