That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
