She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The air was thick with penises
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
