My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
