I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
