I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
