forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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