A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
