you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
